First night tips for marriage – It’s awkward yet important!
Every month over 8000 people in India search for first night tips on Google. Just imagine the countless other ways Indians try to find answers and get themselves educated on first night tips before their wedding night!
However, the first night of marriage is a custom that everybody who gets married goes through but nobody talks about it!
The only insight most Indians have is that the couple is supposed to consummate the relationship on the first night and must follow certain traditions before the sex.
These traditions include a decorated bed for the wedding night, the bride covering her face with a ghungat (if you are a North Indian), a glass of milk, and an assortment of sweets and savouries from the wedding to snack on.
Sex education is not a popular topic for discussion in India and most schools don’t pay attention to it even when it is a part of the curriculum. Indians have also embraced the puritanical ethos of the Victorian age thanks to the British and this has made all of us shy talking about sex and hence what happens behind the closed doors on the wedding night.
This blog post aims to provide actionable insights and practical first night tips for Indians who are curious and have not figured out how to handle their first night after arranged marriage.
This blog post is packed with valuable first night tips so you don’t go around looking for information.
Religious View – First night in Islam
Islam considers marriage to be one of the four instances when the doors of heaven to mercy will be opened. The wedding night in Islam is a sacred ritual and the faith requires its followers to protect the sanctity of marriage and not pollute the sacred union by giving in to sin or immoral behaviour.
Considering the fact that the first night of wedding is the first time a man and woman come together as husband and wife, Islam recommends that this sacred union should happen with the intention of getting close to Allah.
Here is an extract from Al-Islam.org that lists the prayers Muslims are supposed to recite on their first night.
“O Allāh (SwT)! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.”
“O Allāh! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if you have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the family of Muĥammad; and do not let the Satan have any part in him/her.”
“O Allāh! I have made her lawful for myself with Your words, and I have taken her in Your trust. O Allāh! Make her fertile and devoted.”
Chapter 1: First night tips – Building Familiarity & Sexual Tension
Preparing for your arranged marriage first night starts several months before your wedding day. In this first chapter of first night tips, we have lined up 18 first night tips you should know to help you prepare the groundwork for an enjoyable and memorable first night of the wedding.
These first night tips are designed to break your inhibitions in getting close to your fiance/fiancee and help you hit the ground running on your arranged marriage first night!
1. Know the person you are getting married to
According to a study report published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, couples who pay attention to each other have better intimate relationships and sex. If you are going through an arranged marriage, try every trick in the book to spend time with your fiancee/fiance before your wedding night. Pay attention to his or her needs and make them feel special.
2. Read the Kamasutra before your wedding
The purpose of reading the Kamasutra is not to master impossible erotic poses for your first night!
According to Pavan Varma, a career diplomat and a prolific writer,
Once you accept that the physical and the sensual needs are a part of your life, you will have to try being an accomplished lover. Kamasutra is a manual that of how you can train yourself to fully enjoy the erotic, which is a gift of the divine. It bridges the sacred and the profane.
Watch this video to hear Pawan Verma explain why Kamasutra was written.
3. Virginity is a state of mind!
Don’t be paranoid about making sure you are marrying a virgin. This is a major issue with Indian men is their belief that marrying a virgin woman is their birthright. Somehow virginity is associated with purity and loyalty!
There is hardly any truth in this concept. If you believe you have had past relationships before or had strong feelings for someone and there is nothing wrong in marrying someone else, the same holds good for your bride to be.
Sita’s test of chastity in Ramayana
In the Ramayana, Rama defeats Ravana after Ravana abducts Sita. However, a pregnant Sita returns to Ayodhya only to be questioned about her chastity! She then proves to the world that she is pure by walking through fire! In the end, she gives up her life with Rama and returns be with her mother (earth).
As you can see, the concept of purity and chastity runs strong in our culture and the general preference for marrying a virgin bride continues to be strong in India.
4. Don’t ignore personal grooming
While women are higher up the grooming evolutionary chain, men in small towns are guilty of not taking care of themselves! According to the Phillips Stylescape Survey women prefer well-groomed men with less body hair!
First night tips: Common grooming mistakes made by Indian men
- Poor choice of haircut.
- Not grooming facial hair properly.
- Not keeping body hair in check.
- Dirty nails.
- Ragged feet.
- Ill-fitting clothes.
- Mismatched clothes and accessories.
- Not taking care of your skin.
For in-depth tips and advice to make sure you impress your bride on your wedding night, click here to read this article.
5. Are you fit?
Nothing can ruin a wedding night more than the realisation that you are completely exhausted and have no energy left to even keep your eye open.
Here is a thought worth considering.
Find out if you can spend time with your fiance/fiancee at the gym or take up an outdoor activity like cycling. In addition to getting to know him or her, several studies have concluded that working out together can help you work out better, make your partner fall in love with you, and increase your emotional bond.
The added bonus is that you will have more stamina to withstand the wedding day!
According to Psychology Today, Exercise that is performed over a sustained time leads to a so-called “runner’s high,” caused by the release of endorphins. These endorphins are stimulating, and as well as causing us to feel great, they stimulate the release of sex hormones.
First night tips: 5 exercises for men to improve their sex life
1. Kegels – Kegels can help address erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
2. Plank Pose – The plan pose helps you gain endurance and stamina.
3. Lying Leg Raises – It provides intense core workout and helps you last longer in upright positions.
4. Pushups – strengthens your upper body and core and improves all round endurance.
5. Squats -Increases testosterone levels and blood flow to the pelvic region.
For more details on these suggested exercises, click here.
First night tips: 5 exercises for women to improve their sex life
1. Squats – Great for toning your legs and buttocks.
2. Bridge Pose – Strengthens glutes, hamstring, and stretches the hip flexor.
3. Kegels – Easy way to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles to improve your chances to orgasm.
4. Plank pose – Strengthen your body with a focus on your core strength.
Seated leg extension – Great way to strengthen the legs if you are planning to do all the work in the bed.
For more details on these suggested exercises, click here.
6. Don’t be lost for words
You might be an introvert or you might just be shy. You may have to come out of your comfort zone after engagement for the sake of your marriage!
When you prepare for a job interview, you learn about the company you are applying for or even the interview panel members. Apply the same strategy when you get engaged.
Know your fiance’s likes, dislikes, talk to her siblings about your fiance’s hopes, dreams and memorable life events. Use these in your conversation with your fiance. Don’t just go to a movie or have an awkward dinner date punctuated with silence. Get out of your shell and try to strike a bond.
First night tips: 10 Conversation starters to keep your arranged marriage first night lively
1. What’s one time lately that I’ve made you feel great about yourself? How can I do that more often?
2. What’s something you never confessed to your parents until much later–that you laugh about now?
3. Who was your first ever best friend? Are you still in touch with our friend?
4. Who was your first crush?
5. Between your parents and your grandparents, who do you think you are most like? In what ways?
6. What prayer have you been praying for years–and wonder if it will ever be answered?
7. What dream have you put on the back burner? Do you think it’ll stay there forever, or would you like to still live it out one day? How can I help?
8. What is your idea of a perfect vacation?
9. Name an activity you used to do when you were younger that you don’t do anymore–but you’d likely enjoy if you started again. Do you think we could/should add it to our lives now?
10. When did you last cry by yourself? How can I help you more when you’re upset?
For 40 more first night conversation starters, check out this article here.
7. Don’t shy away from creating a sexual tension
In arranged marriages, engaged couples don’t usually get into a full on display of affection publicly or privately. However, you get to know your fiance/fiancee, you can start experimenting with subtle flirting where possible.
For example, if you are on a dinner date, sit next to your fiance and get close enough so that your tights or arms or touching in a non-sexual way. Even a minor physical contact builds sexual tension and increases craving for a physical relationship later.
8. Eyes don’t lie
There is a reason God has given us two eyes. Look into your fiancee’s eyes when you communicate with her. It is scientifically proven that looking into the eyes establishes a better rapport and focuses on the relationship between the parties.
In an experiment, a group of men were shown two photographs of the same woman. In one of the photographs, the woman’s pupil size was artificially enhanced. Most respondents felt that the woman with the expanded pupil to be more attractive and yet couldn’t explain why!
First night tips: 4 surefire ways to create sexual tension with your fiancee in arranged marriages
1. Compliment her looks: This is a great way to tell your fiance you admire her (physically). Tell her how gorgeous the dress fits her and accentuates her beauty.
2. Get close to her: Stand close to her in public places without really touching her. Make sure you smell good.
3. Intense goodbyes: When it’s time to say goodbye after a date, prolong the goodbye using idle chat and eye contact. Make her feel that you want to say something but holding back.
4. Keep your closeness a secret: When you get in front of friends or relatives, always back away from her and make it obvious to her that you don’t want them to see you close.
9. Laugh if you can
According to a study published by the Journal of Personal Relationships, couples that tend to laugh together washed up having a better relationship in the long run! Laughter is also an indication of your support to your partner.
As you go through the pressures of an elaborate arranged marriages and dealing with families, friends, and rituals, don’t forget to steal some time together and laugh. The idea of laughing together will make it easy for both of you to navigate the first night without awkwardness.
10. The truth about aphrodisiacs
If you plan to get frisky on the wedding night or even otherwise, munching on food varieties considered to be aphrodisiacs could possibly help you although there is no conclusive proof of this theory.
According to WebMD, spicy food, onions, egg, as well as Okra (ladies finger) can serve as a sexual stimulant. Oysters, with their high zinc content, can improve the person’s overall health and hence the sexual health in case you are looking for some exotic food to boost your amorous mood.
Nine aphrodisiacs that you will easily find in India include cinnamon, honey, ginger, aniseed, cardamom, coconut, garlic, mango, banana.
11. Leave the “bedroom” baggage behind
Your expectations from the first night of wedding could be tinged by your past sexual experiences. It’s advisable to unlearn everything you may have experienced in the past and approach your first night as an open book.
Remember, you have a lifetime together to fulfil your fantasies and there is absolutely no good coming out of “what could have happened if I was with someone else” thoughts. When you say yes to a person, take a complete plunge.
12. Be open to advice from experienced friends!
if you are nervous about approaching your first night of the wedding, be open to advice from your close family members or friends. Other the usual taunts and double entendres you will hear from your uncle and aunts, it is usually reassuring to talk to someone who has been through the experience.
13. Create a positive vibe before the wedding night
Creating a positive vibe about your new relationship is critical as you approach your first night. A positive vibe can be created through actions and thoughts. When you go on a date before your wedding, make sure you pick places that will put you both in a good mood. For example, even a corny romantic movie is better than a tear jerker.
Avoid introducing your fiance to negative nellies! Surround yourself with other couples or friends who are enthusiastic about your upcoming wedding.
First night tips: How to talk in order to create a positive vibe with your spouse?
Here are examples of how you can create a positive vibe with your fiancee/fiance.
“Yes, going swimming sounds great.” [“Yes… but..” has the opposite impact, but negates the positivity of the Yes.]
“I agree that it’s too hot to do any exercise other than swimming today.”
“I appreciate your willingness to pack a lunch.”
Thank you for…
“Thanks so much for getting me moving. I was stuck on my couch all day.”
I like (love, enjoy) …
“I like that suit! Looks terrific!”
That makes sense to me…
“Bringing lunch makes sense to me because the food at the pool is so expensive.”
I’m pleased (happy, delighted) that…
“I’m delighted that you invited those guys to join us.”
14. Silly debates are always welcome
Men like women who can take a stance on trivial things that have no impact or significance in their life. In fact, it actually builds a sexual tension and makes men look at their fiancee with lot more respect. The same strategy will also hold good for women.
For example, if your fiancee can tell you why chocolate is not the best flavour to choose at an ice cream store with a compelling argument or why cats make a better pet than dogs, you will probably love her more.
15. Let loose some risque jokes
As you get comfortable with your partner before marriage, try pushing sexual boundaries not only through hand holding or hugging but also through clever jokes. It is scientifically proven that humour among men is seen as a sign of intelligence.
If you can stick to the fine line between funny and risque, you will gain a few more brownie points that you can encash during the first night! Make sure you don’t cross the line to crack obscene jokes. It’s bound to fail.
16. Let your hugs last longer
One sure fire way of letting your partner know about your feelings is to hug him or her when you two meet or say goodbye at the end of the day. Make the hug longer than usual to create a sense of longing and have your partner asking for more.
This strategy should be used only when you two are comfortable with each other. Especially in an arranged marriage setting, a lingering hug out of the blue will make you look creepy!
17. Shower some praise
Without going over the top, appreciate little things about your partner. Maybe his cotton shirt or her beautiful eyes. Let the other party know you are into them without being too clingy. Positive reinforcement in small doses definitely improves intimacy and likability.
Chapter 2: First night tips – Arrangements for the wedding night
This section of first night tips has all the actionable advice you will ever need to prepare an amazing first night bed, line up the most memorable first night gifts, be ready with a first night kit and pick the right dress for your first night as husband and wife.
18. First night gifts for the bride
There are plenty of first night gift ideas to choose from from the predictable to awe-inspiring. We handpicked five first night gift ideas that go beyond the usual suspects.
Personalised antique style pocket watch with engraving. This is a great way to remember a memorable day for years to come.
Voice band ring that has an engraving of the voice of your new bride or your voice. It is engraved on an 18 carat gold ring and is truly one of a kind.
Personalised bottle lamp with the photo of two of you printed on the lamp is a great gift as it keeps on giving every night!
Gift cards with cute messages and space for personalised messages for your bride can be used to write your own wedding night story.
Tickets to a hot air balloon ride in exotic Rajasthan is a great way to bring a smile on her face.
19. First night gifts for the groom
We have picked a bunch of “manly” gift ideas for the groom. However, feel free to give these gifts to your wife on the first night of marriage if you think she will like them.
Take a spin on a Formula One race track in a souped up car! Yes, you can now hire a car to experience the thrill of an adrenaline rush as you drive at breakneck speed.
Personalised beer mugs, cups, keychain tags and more! Yes, you can add your husband’s favourite pic with a custom message on anything he loves using on a daily basis.
Unique artwork from leading artists are now available online and you can pick one to impress your husband if he happens to be an art aficionado.
Personalised fireworks display as a surprise gift can woo your husband and create a magical moment that you will keep with you for the rest of your lives.
Bridal boudoir photos is a relatively new trend you can explore if you believe in amping up the kinky quotient. Finding a boudoir photographer is not easy in India.
First night tips: How to pick the right gifts for your first night?
Choosing the right gift for your husband or wife for your wedding night requires a couple of skills – observation and intuition. Here are four tips to help you choose the right wedding night gift.
1. What brought them joy? Remember the incidents that you remember when your fiance was happy. What made them happy? Was it the milkshake that she couldn’t stop raving about or did she always point to the dress someone else was wearing? Pick a gift that your partner will appreciate.
2. What did you do together? When you were engaged to your husband or wife, you might have gone on a date or done something that you both remember with fondness. Now pick a gift item that reminds your partner of the wonderful time you had together.
3. Pay attention to friends and relatives! His mother probably has mentioned to you how much he likes to eat at a restaurant or how many hours he spent taking photographs using his outdated camera. These tidbits will help you pick a gift your partner will cherish.
4. Avoid the usual suspects if you can. Flowers, Perfumes, Chocolate, Gift Cards are all run of the mill and don’t carry sentimental value as they are overused these days.
20. First night room decoration
Here are some practical wedding night ideas for decorating the bedroom on your first night.
a. Take control or lose it forever: Considering the fact that the bride and the groom may be too busy or shy to discuss the first night arrangement with parents, they may end up with whatever arrangement is presented to them. If you have specific plans to spice things up, have a frank and open conversation about the wedding night arrangements before the wedding.
b. Understand the pros and cons of the location: In India, there are usually a few options available for your first night. It’s either the bride’s home, a room at the marriage hall, or the first night in a hotel. If all you care about is catching up on sleep, any of these locations shouldn’t matter.
However, if you want to get creative with the first night room decoration, you will have to pick a hotel room. The bride’s home is probably a royal mess because of the boatload of relatives and all the other functions scheduled for the next day. No matter what the location is you choose, make sure you have direct access to an en-suite washroom at the least. The last thing you want is an awkward wedding night experience.
c. Be mindful of allergies: Make sure you and your spouse are not allergic to flowers, scents from room spray or candles. Some people allergic to peanuts, lactose, and certain fruits and vegetables. While all of this would have been taken into account for the wedding, make sure you remember to factor these when you plan your room decoration for the wedding night.
d. Design options for your wedding night room decoration: There are several design options you can pick from. Here are a few:
Minimalist design – Sprinkle a bunch of flower petals on the bed, a bottle of bubbly if you are OK with alcohol, and a few nibbles if you end up working up an appetite!
Traditional design – If you have seen a Bollywood movie with a wedding night scene, you know what this is all about. A horde of flowers to decorate the bed and bed posts, an assortment of sweets and savouries (possible from the wedding!), and a glass of milk to be shared (husband takes the first sip apparently).
Hotel style design – The hotel style design involves making heart shaped patterns using flowers or petals, or arranging the flowers to leave a message (“Congratulations” for example), leaving a personalised card wishing the newly married couple, creating a faux carpet of flowers leading to the bed to name a few. If you have a wedding at a resort (such as the Taj Fisherman’s Cove), you will probably have access to a jacuzzi, and scented candles as well.
Exotic design – If you have the budgets, you could go for something exotic such as an East Asian themed bed, bed posts, decorations (including exotic flowers not usually in India). Some hotels may even throw in a couple’s spa or massage for the newly married couples.
Need some design inspiration for your first night room decoration? Check out this Pinterest board.
21. First night games
What better way to break the ice than some fun games together on your wedding night.
Here are some handpicked first night games that you can consider trying depending on where you are in your relationship. If you have been through an arranged marriage and haven’t spent too much time with your spouse before marriage, it is better to stick to the PG rated games (non-sexual and designed to create a comfortable setting).
If you two are already close and are dying to consummate your relationship, the adult rated (categorised as 18+) first night games might work well.
a. Game of cards (PG rated): Depending on the familiarity about card games, you can perennial favourite games like Rummy or any of the 2 player card games that are available on this list here.
If you want to try something other than games, try building a tower of cards instead. Detailed video instructions are available here.
b. Game of likes (PG rated): Keep a couple of pads and pens ready. Start writing your answers to everything your spouse likes and dislikes. The list of likes and dislikes could range from food, snacks, dress, movies, cars, shopping, and anything else that you want to include. Once you have both come up with responses, exchange your notes and share your feedback. This is a great way to learn about each other.
c. Relatives are fun (PG rated): This is similar to the Game of Likes. The only difference is that you will list all the relatives of your spouse you like or dislike. A variation would be to see how many relatives of your spouse you can list and what you can remember about their background. This game is meant to be light-hearted and serves as an orientation of sorts about your spouse’s family members.
d. Guessing Game (18+ only): This game involves blindfolding your spouse and touching him or her in random places. Now the blindfolded person has to guess what is being used to touch them. You can get creative and use anything from cloth, ice, fruits, finger or even your lips to kiss your blindfolded spouse. Now if you really want to amplify the sexual tension, both of you should strip down to your underwear before you play this game. You can decide what reward or punishment you will dish out for the guess.
e. Mix and Match (18+ only): You will need to make small pieces of paper and start writing down body parts (hand, feet, neck to name a few). Write as many as you can. Let’s say you have come up with 10 pieces of paper with body part names written in each one of them. Then write down sexy verbs or actions (kiss, rub, stroke, caress, lick to name a few) you would like to perform on each other in another set of 10 paper pieces. Now have your spouse pick one piece of paper from each and perform the action on the body part based on their picks.
First night tips: Traditional wedding night games from around the world
Did you know that different cultures have their own customs and traditions for the wedding night?
Here are a few examples that will make you go “What the hell!”
Here are a couple of nuggets from the book Marriage Custom of the World – From Henna to Honeymoon by George P. Monger.
In Scotland, it is believed that if a pound of Limberger cheese was spread between two towels and placed under the pillow of the bridal bed for the couple’s first night, they would have a prosperous future and a big family.
In France, there is a wedding night custom called La Rotie or La Soupe where the friends of the couple invade the bedroom and force the couple to drink a concoction of wine, champagne and leftover food from
The Chinese are also known for an “interesting” wedding night ritual.
Nao Dongfang involves relatives crowding into the bridal bedroom on the couple’s first night and asking the couple to act out suggestive tasks. This custom originated during the Han Dynasty (206 BC to 220 AD) and one example of a game involved tying an apple to a string and asking the couple to bit the apple from both sides together. The relatives will, of course, make sure the apple is pulled away when they are about to be bitten.
22. First night kit for the bride
The first night kit for a bride should have all the essential items needed to make sure the bride can get through the night without worrying about her looks, health or thinking about an unwanted pregnancy! Here are the items that should find a place in the first night kit for a bride.
a. Tylenol or equivalent medication to ward off headaches.
b. Any prescription medication you might be already on.
c. Allergy medication.
d. Makeup remover and comb.
e. Hair bands and clips.
f. Moisturising cream and chapstick.
g. Birth control pills (See a Gynaecologist or a Physician before the wedding) and lubricants just in case.
h. Basic makeup items for the morning after (lipstick, eyeliner or Kajal stick, conditioning scream, bindi).
i. Soap, shampoo, conditioner and deodorant.
j. Toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash.
k. Change of clothes.
l. Tampons or pads.
23. Wedding night kit for the groom
Men don’t need a kit for the first night.
They do need one and here is a list of things the groom should have for the first night.
a. Tylenol and any prescription medication.
b. Allergy medication.
c. Comb and hair gel or cream.
d. Moisturising cream and chapstick.
e. Soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant.
f. Shaving set.
g. Toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash.
h. Condoms just in case things heat up.
24. Wedding night kit for a sizzling evening
If you believe you are ready to take the relationship to “the next level”, your first night kit can include some of these erotic items as well.
a. Sexy lingerie for her and silky boxers or PJs for him.
b. Edible innerwear
c. Scented candles
d. Scented oils for a massage
e. Fragrant oils for the bed
f. DVD / CD / Phone / USB playlist of love songs or favourite songs
g. Sex toys
If you are wondering where you will buy adult stuff to liven up your wedding night, check out India based websites such as Itspleazure.com, Naughtyme.in, IMbesharam.com and Thatspersonal.com. These sites offer a discrete option to purchase kinky stuff for men and women and they all seem to have a large client base in India.
These sites offer a discrete option to purchase kinky stuff for men and women and they all seem to have a large client base in India.
For contemporary lingerie, you can check out Zivame and Clovia.
25. Wedding night wear for the bride
Wedding night wear for the Indian bride can range from traditional clothes to sexy outfits. Here are some options worth considering depending on what outcomes you expect to have.
a. You will probably regret sleeping in your wedding saree. So that’s not even an option even if it’s a tradition in your community of family.
b. The best option would either be a night dress that you wear at home. A good quality dress without embarrassing holes and tears is preferable.
c. Some women prefer to sleep in a churidar set and some are comfortable in PJs.
d. Bermudas and shorts are options worth considering even for women if this is something they have tried before and hence are comfortable wearing them for the wedding night.
e. Last but not the least, sexy lingerie or silk nightgowns are worth considering if you would like to make an impression!
26. Wedding night wear for the groom
a. North Indian men can pull off a night with their bridal wear as long as they can get out of their tops. South Indian grooms don’t even have a shirt on for their wedding and can easily spend the night in their wedding attire!
b. Otherwise, it the usual options – boxers, shorts or PJs.
c. Sexy inner garments for men are available online if you believe you can wear them and not make your wife break out into a laughter marathon.
Chapter 3: First night tips: The art of arousal
This section of first night tips is all about setting the stage for a sexual intercourse on your wedding night. If you would rather skip sex on your wedding night, you can jump to point 32 on this list. Of course, you can bookmark this page read this section when you are ready!
27. Men and women have different speeds
Men and women generally have widely differing time needed to achieve an orgasm. According to Dr Rob Hicks, a resident Doctor and presenter at SKY TV in the UK, men take an average of 2 minutes to 10 minutes for an orgasm whereas women can take up to 20 minutes to orgasm.
Elizabeth Armstrong, a sociologist at the University of Michigan, analysed data about the likelihood of having orgasms among 15000 university students. Here are some interesting findings from this study.
Women orgasm once for every three times that men orgasm when they have sex the first time.
The second time they have sex, women experience an orgasm every 2.5 times a man experiences orgasms.
As the relationship continues, eventually, women and men orgasm the same number of times.
In summary, don’t expect any fireworks for your wife on your first night of you are both having sex for the first time. However, things will improve over a period of time.
28. Don’t expect Hollywood style sex
If you walk into your first night hoping to have a steamy Hollywood style or some B-grade Bollywood movie style sex, just remember that movies are not real and you will end up making a fool out of yourself or hurting your partner.
Don’t assume it your birthright to have sex on the wedding night. Especially if you had an arranged marriage, you probably don’t know your wife yet and she needs time to get comfortable with you.
Here is an extract from an article that narrates the wedding night experience of a woman on her first night of the wedding.
Men fantasise the first night since the time they get engaged. They make it a point to make their wife agree to whatever they command. All their sexual fantasies that were frustrating them meet reality and the wife is left shaken to tears. That newly wed wife is now an unsuspecting toy. I asked if one could avoid the first night due to the tiredness and emotional outbursts. They laughed, “The guy doesn’t care, you will be his property then! But don’t worry you will gradually learn to deal with it.”
29. Men and women think differently
According to Esther Perel, a Psychotherapist from New York, women think about sex between their ears while men think about sex between their legs!
Women look for a plot and place more value on anticipation. It is the longing that acts as a catalyst for women’s sexual drive. Perel says that women want to talk first, connect first and then have sex. Men can skip the first two steps and jump to sex in an instant.
As long as men and women understand this difference and respond accordingly, sex can become a lot more enjoyable during your first night.
30. Learn the art of the massage
Sex is not about wham, bam and Thank you, Ma’Am! It’s about creating sexual tension and anticipation followed by lovemaking that takes care of each other’s needs. Creating sexual tension and anticipation is something women value more than men. Men can consider using massage as a tool to set the stage for sex. There are several techniques for performing a massage.
Here are some key tips for those interested in using this approach.
Step 1: Start with a neck massage. Have your wife lay on the down face down and start massaging the neck. Make sure you stay away from the spine and focus on using the finger pads and palms.
Step 2: Use your fingers to stroke her torso to release the nervous tension and loosen her up. Remember to use a massage oil. Just keep in mind that you are not aiming for creating an oil spill effect.
Step 3: Now start massaging the back gently by sliding and kneading using your palms. Start going down all the way to the lower back. Make sure you are not showing off your manly strength and focus on her needs.
Step 4. Move on to the upper thighs and continue massaging. If she turns over, you can continue the massage and wait for her to make the move! This step creates the maximum sexual tension and could potentially end your massage session.
Click here for more in-depth and descriptive explanation.
Chapter 4: First night tips: Six alternatives to having sex on the wedding night
It is quite probable that you are going through an arranged marriage and you hardly had time to spend time with your fiance before your wedding day. This is especially true if one of you is working in a different country and you flew in to get married!
This section of first night tips is all about striking a bond and not having sex! If you and your partner believe sex can wait till you get to know each other, then here are six alternative first night tips that will allow you to have fun and not bother about having sex on your first night.
31. Catch up on your sleep
Traditional weddings are hectic affairs in India. The bride and the groom are under pressure to make sure all the ducks are lined up before the wedding day.
The elaborate rituals that typically go on for no less than four to five days can sap the couple’s energy. After going through this circus, the last thing you may want to do is to have sexual intercourse with your spouse who has just transitioned from being a stranger to someone who shares your bed!
Catching up on sleep is a great option to exercise on your first night and leave the sex to some other day.
First night tips for bride: Here is a real life confession of a married woman.
When my husband and I got married, we did’nt have sex on our wedding night because our parents were sleeping in the room next door in the resort where we were all staying at. We just watched TV until we fell asleep.
32. Pour your heart out
Now that you are married and the pressure or tension of the big day is all behind you, the first night of your wedding might be a great opportunity to unwind and use the time you have to talk about yourself and understand your spouse’s personality, lifestyle, aspirations, goals and plans.
While you have your entire life ahead of you to spend together, why not start the journey on the night of your wedding?
33. Plan your honeymoon
Honeymoon presents a great opportunity for creating a strong bond with your spouse and build an intimate relationship. Why not use the first night of your wedding to plan your honeymoon if you haven’t already done that?
Gather information about the places you plan to visit, chalk out a schedule, and find out if there are interesting things you could consider doing at your honeymoon that aligns with your mutual interests?
First night tips: Honeymoon planning checklist for your wedding night
- Do you have proper clothes for the honeymoon destination you planned for?
- Did you make sure you have your passports and visa (if required)?
- Do your hotel and places you visit have options for your dietary restrictions?
- Did you arrange local transportation at your destination?
- Make a list of activities you planned for to make sure you are both OK with it.
- Read reviews of your destination from sites such as Tripadvisor.com.
- Do you have access to a cellphone and internet connection at your destination?
- Download offline Google Maps for your destination.
- Are there any health advisories out for your honeymoon destination?
- Did you email the address and the contact number of the hotel to close family members for emergency contact?
34. Admire each other
Considering the fact that your wedding night is your first evening together as a couple, you could use this opportunity to set a positive tone for your life together.
You could list down 10 things that you like about your spouse and share it with one another. Keep the conversational tone informal and let it flow.
A little bit of praise will never hurt your relationship. Check out a few examples below to help you get started.
First night tips – How to admire each other
You have the best laugh on this planet and I believe it can disarm anyone.
The first words that came out of your mouth when we first met were “You look so different from your photo!“. I still laugh thinking about it. You just say what you think and I love you for that.
You have a knack of striking up a conversation with any stranger. Many of my relatives feel they are a lot closer to you than me!
I think, with you by my side, we can make it through anything that life throws at us!
35. Enjoy a romantic flick
The wedding night could also be used an opportunity to chill out. Imagine a glass of champagne or soft drink, legs stretched, and good movie that both of you like? It’s not necessary to watch a movie, you could play a game of cards or even chess or any other leisurely activity that will help you bond and unwind after a hectic wedding.
Here is a list of handpicked movies for your wedding night.
First night tips: Hollywood movies for your wedding night
The Princess Bride (1987): A sick young boy’s grandfather reads him a story called the Princess Bride.
P.S. I Love You (2007): A young widow discovers that her late husband had left her messages to help her heal and start a new life.
While You Were Sleeping (1995): A case of mistaken identity that involves a coma patient and a hopeless romantic.
Sleepless in Seattle (1993): The young son of a widower calls a radio station with the hope of finding a partner for his father.
First night tips: Bollywood movies for your first night
Dil Chahta Hai (2001): Three inseparable childhood friends fall in love and their relationships create a strain among the friends.
Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008): A man wins over his wife who is an exact opposite of his personality.
Chori Chori (1956): A rich young woman is on the run with a reporter who is looking for a story!
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999): A young woman is torn between her husband and her lover.
36. Write thank you notes
It takes a village to conduct a wedding ceremony. While you will have plenty of time to thank every one of your friends or relatives who played a part in pulling off your big fat Indian wedding, you could both sit together and write thank you notes to family members and friends.
This activity also provides you with an opportunity to learn about people who your spouse considers as near and dear.
First night tips: Thank you note samples for your wedding
For a close relative: Thank you very much for attending our wedding. Your gift was so thoughtful and it will find a permanent place in our living room for sure! Amma was telling me that you moved heaven and earth to make sure every guest was taken care of. I don’t know how to thank you and look forward to seeing you again at next week’s party.
For a friend: Ravi and I were thinking about the wonderful time we had at the wedding earlier this morning with you. I knew you were thrilled for us going by your beaming million Dollar smile throughout the day. Will send some snaps when we recover from the hectic festivities that’s lined for another two weeks!
You can find more practical examples for your thank you card here.