Importance of sex in marriage
Here is a simple quiz to get you started.
What is the most popular thing in India that nobody ever talks about?
What’s the most popular misconception in India?
It’s assuming that there is a sex life after marriage!
Jokes apart, a majority of Indians believe sex is important. Here is a chart from India Today’s 2013 survey.
That’s not all. In a 2016 survey done by India Today / MDRA, 75% of the respondents said that sex is very important in a relationship and 86% of people surveyed were satisfied with their sex life. This survey included 4042 respondents across 17 cities between 20 to 69 years of age.
India is also the land of Kamasutra. The architecture of Khajuraho depicts graphic sexual positions and leaves nothing to the imagination. That’s a temple that millions visit. Somewhere down the line, we inherited the European sense of modesty and relegated sex to the list of unmentionables. But the fact is sex is alive and kicking in India!
Are you planning to get married through an arranged marriage? Watch this video to find out if it is good to have sex on your wedding night.
Sex life after marriage according to Indians
We have listed some facts and opinions on sex after marriage in India. You will probably agree with some of these or die laughing!
Someone in Reddit who calls himself “Moderately stoned urban dwelling Indian” described sex in arranged marriage like this.
Then girl and boy meet in front of family and are encouraged to hang out. Call this “family sanctioned dating”.Then if the girl hates the guy (because he smoked weed or kicks babies or whatever) or vice versa, then the whole shebang is ditched.If not, they get married, already have a certain level of familiarity + repression over time + horny + love so BANGBANGBANG you now have 1 billion people.
Here are a few responses from Quora.
1. I have this view of my uterus being this wonderfully warm, golden, a magical place where our babies would grow, there is no way that I’d let anyone other than their future father enter that sanctum.
2. I spent half an hour relieving myself of the hairpins, bangles, jewellery, make-up and the kilos of saree I was wrapped in. But those minutes were like tiny obstacles on the path to glorious heaven.
3. It’s like doing Engineering…No one knows how to do it but once you are into it, you get out with a degree!
Going back to the Indian Today survey, here is an interesting find:
Men want sex more than women, but…
Going back to the yet another survey by Indian Today that explores the sex life after marriage, here is a conclusion that most of the most of the married couples are aware of.
Every time urban India’s husbands and wives get into the sacred act of conjugality, half the nation’s wives say, “Not tonight, honey. I have a headache.” And every time, one-third of the nation’s husbands fake a headache to avoid sex.
This apparently is a universal problem for married men!
One diligent husband in the US decided to document all the excuses that his wife had when he wanted sex.
A creative pair of cartoonists in the US then decided to publish a book on the sex life after marriage. Called the “Married Kamasutra“, these illustrations and the hilarious explanations pretty much sum up the sex life after marriage for most couples in India and elsewhere! Here are our favourite positions!
Why should you care about your sex life after marriage?
Let’s look at what experts have to say about the importance of having a good sex life after marriage.
1. Men relate to women through sex
Here is a more rational explanation of what men expect in terms of sex in a marriage. Here is an extract from The Wall Street Journal.
“It is overly simple to assume male sexuality is primarily biological and that men are constantly looking for a physical outlet, says Esther Perel, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City and author of “Mating in Captivity.”
Men, much more than women, relate to a partner through sex, she says, as evidenced by their fear of rejection, concerns about performance and desire to please. “When a man gets depressed because he’s not being touched, it’s just like the little boy who stands in his crib and cries to be picked up,” she says. “He is experiencing emotional deprivation.”
2. Active sex life after marriage can reduce chances of divorce
Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University says that sex is a key requirement for a successful marriage. However, how many times you have sex doesn’t really matter as it boils down to what the couple thinks is right. So don’t be jealous if your friend says she gets more than you! Here is an extract from an interview that appeared in New York Times.
There is a feedback relationship in most couples between happiness and having sex. Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being. But keep in mind that sex is only one form of intimacy and that some couples are fairly happy (and intimate) even without sex.
In my 1993 study, I did find that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. There is no ideal level of sexual activity — the ideal level is what both partners are happy with — and when one (or both) are unhappy, then you can have marital problems.
3. Old married couples should have sex
Continuing to have sex can help you sustain a happy married life. Older couples are better off if they continue to maintain physical intimacy no matter what health issues they may have. This is the conclusion that researchers Adena Galinsky and Linda J. Waite from the University of Chicago in their research report that has a rather dry title (pun intended).
Talking about sex life after marriage openly is great for the general wellbeing of everyone! Lack of knowledge on matters of sex due to social stigma associated with sex, taboos, cultural barriers has created huge challenges for married couples and more specifically for women in India. Half-baked information and beliefs fuel rapes, marital rapes, disrespect of women, child abuse, and failed marriages. Hopefully, with better education and an open dialogue, things can improve in the future.