Valentine’s day in India – Announcing a new discovery!
Most Indians believe that Valentine’s day in India is a cultural import from the west along with other goodies like sugary, carbonated drinks and junk food. If you are a student of history, you will probably know that Valentine’s day commemorates St. Valentine, a priest who performed marriage ceremonies against the dictates of the Roman emperor Claudius.
You have been seriously misled all along and we have the smoking gun and the gloves that actually fit!
We have only one statement to make – How dare the west steal the idea of celebrating Valentine’s day from an ancient civilization (aka India) that wrote an entire book on love and sex?
If you are among the handful of people that believed that Valentine’s day in India has had a glorious history, it’s time to rejoice! Jodi Logik Minions were recently provided exclusive access to a secret site near the world famous Khajuraho temple.
Archeologists have now confirmed to Jodi Logik that Valentine’s day in India is not a new phenomenon. In fact, Valentine’s day in India dates all the way back to 970 CE!
Valentine’s day in India – As depicted in sculptures
Archeologists recently uncovered a completely hidden site near the famous Khajuraho temples. This new site of historical importance depicts sculptures of young men and women in various positions celebrating Valentine’s day. We diligently documented the stories behind some of the more interesting poses.
1. Hiding from the parents pose: This pose depicts a boy sneaking into his girlfriend’s home with Valentine’s day gifts only to find that her parents are home. Apparently, he never realized that during the 12th century, all Valentine’s days fell on a Sunday! (good lucking reading this paragraph!)
2. Surprise wedding with uninvited guests pose: This sculpture depicts a wide-eyed and open-mouthed boy and a girl getting married and surrounded by a group of men holding swords. Scholars have interpreted this scene to be that of a forced marriage performed on Valentine’s day. This usually happened when a couple is found together in public spaces. Incidentally, the modern day culture police and moral brigades roaming our cities on valentine’s day are descendants of the men with swords.
3. Waterboarding pose: This sculpture depicts a young man being waterboarded by his girlfriend. Legend has it that the young man forgot to plan for Valentine’s day that year and was facing the consequences of his laziness and forgetfulness.
4. The lonely man pose: This sculpture depicts a man with his eyes wide shut and hands extended walking around the local market on Valentine’s day.
After extensive research, archaeologists concluded that this sculpture depicts a man who did not have a girlfriend and was trying his best to avoid feeling depressed on a day where almost every young man was holding hands with his girlfriend.
Valentine’s day in India – Buried artefacts
After digging around this hidden temple, archaeologists also discovered several interesting artefacts and curios. Here are some of the notable findings.
1. Now you see, now you don’t cloth: One of the assumptions we have these days is that clothes are meant to protect us from the harsh elements and also double up as tools to protect our ‘modesty’. Interestingly in the 970 to 1030 CE timeframe when these temples were built to commemorate Valentine’s day, there was a practice to buy skimpy clothes that reveal more than what they hid!
These clothes were found in bulk in the centre of the market. Archaeologists have now concluded that there were shops specialising in selling such clothes and even though the clothes were primarily worn by young women (barring a few devious men) but mostly purchased by young men as gift items! If there is one thing that has never changed since 970 CE, it is the Indian man’s selfishness.
2. Evidence of barbaric rituals: People residing in the area around Khajuraho in 970 CE had realized the importance of Valentine’s day as seen by the elaborate sculptures and artefacts commemorating this holy day. However, archaeologists stumbled on a bizarre manuscript from this site. This manuscript depicted the ritual of “stealing hearts”. This ritual involved cutting open the chest of a man or a woman you loved and pulling the heart out of the body and eating it! Puke!
Thankfully, this practice is no longer in vogue and we show our love for each other by just eating heart shaped pizzas!
3. Parchments and ink: Sculptures and paintings weren’t the only way people communicate with one another during 970 CE. If that was the case, women would have run out of wall space in a matter of few hours! Archaeologists also found parchments that included romantic messages written in the ancient Devanagari script.
Apparently, young men trained carrier pigeons to carry their messages to their beloved on Valentine’s day. Some enterprising entrepreneurs even got into the business of renting out trained pigeons or offering creative writing services on parchment paper. These are the same entrepreneurs that pooled their wealth to fund these elaborate sculptures immortalising Valentine’s day. Note: We had to substitute a pigeon with a dove due to tight budgets.
Confucius quotes on Valentine’s day in India
If you are not shocked and confused already, wear your seatbelt before reading about the another jaw-dropping discovery that archaeologists have made in China about Valentine’s day in India.
Most history buffs know about Confucius. He was instrumental in teaching Kung Fu to Akshay Kumar, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Lee. He was also a philosopher and teacher in China (around 500 BC) and will be very old if he were to be alive now.
Confucius is known for his insightful quotes on everyday life. His quotes form the basis for all advice given by licensed relationship therapists the world over. Buried near his ancestral home in southern China, are a set of parchment papers with quotes written by Confucius. These Confucian quotes seem to have been written to address issues young men faced in India on Valentine’s day!
We have exclusive access to these ancient words of wisdom.
We now know that “Hindi – Chini Bhai Bhai” was definitely coined by our ancient ancestors.
Moral of the story: Love has no boundaries and that’s the reason you should stay safe on February 14th.